DAY 12: THE PERSON YOU HATE MOST/CAUSED YOU A LOT OF PAIN

This is the letter I was least looking forward to writing. Even though I haven't talked to him in years, I didn't want to cause bad blood between anyone. Therefore, no names.

Homeboy,

Ya know, when I look back on how I live my life, I blame you for a lot. I've lost a lot of friends in the past 7 years, and I credit that to what you did to me. You made me question myself, when you should have been forgiving. You took something that could have been a long and lasting friendship, and turned us against each other. I can't let people get too close now, thanks to you. Without meaning to, I push people away. I can tell you why. Its because of you. I'm afraid of what you did to me happening again. I'm afraid of you taking my whole world, shaking it up, and putting me down, lost and alone, like you did so many years ago. I trusted you, I believed in you, and all you did was use that against me.

For the longest time, you would ask me "We cool?" or "Hey, what's your deal. You mad at me?" and I would always respond that yeah, we were cool, or no, I wasn't mad at you. We weren't cool. We aren't cool, and if I saw you today, we would never be "cool." I've never fully addressed the feelings I have for you, I've always kind of shoved you aside. I was so innocent, I never thought that you would do what you did to me. I've learned since you; I've hardened. I back away from any type of commitment, friendship or more, and most people fade away.

I don't blame anyone else for this. I held what you did against someone else for way too long. I had already lost her friendship, thanks to you. I realized too late that it wasn't her, it was you. I lost many years with a great person because of what you did. You were the one who told me things, you were the one who broke me, and then left. Thanks for taking an innocent, young, happy girl, and turning her into what she is today. I'll never forgive you.

Mb